The most exciting part of my day is going to be my minutes on skype.

that is how badly i miss him.

UGH. I MISS YOU. Please come back to me. Or see me. Or message me. :( Please babe. I miss you.

I miss him so freaking much. I can’t even survive this next few days without him. I want to be able to be with him and hold his hands or just lay next to him. i miss everything about him all the time. after talking to him it feels better. but i still miss him. i just want him to be here. it hurts. i hate that. i want to be with him all the time. but that is not going to happen. thursday. all day. i hope. okay. i have to go. goodbye.

it seriously was really close. today was honestly all i needed to get me through the week. but now it sucks just laying here not doing anything. i wish that he were here. or i were there. or i could go back just a few hours. like 6. ugh. it was just too perfect. so close though. he has some guts. i’ll give him that. he’s just so comfy. everything about him makes me just. i don’t know. i didn’t even pay attention to the show. my face was so hot. we just gradually got closer as the day went on. so close. then nic and lindsay came over and killed the moment. wtf. i hate that. so close. i still have a lump in my throat from being around him. his skin was so soft i could just feel it all day. that sounds weird but it’s true. we can’t not hold each others hands for less than a minute. i hated every time when we had to separate because his family was coming downstairs. he always just knows what to do. he would rest his chin on the top of my head. or pull me closer. or hold me tighter. or play with my fingers. or rest his head next to mine. i just want to go back. i want to go back to that moment. when i just put my head to his. i just can’t get close enough to him. that sounds bad but i can’t. we usually hold both hands. or her was holding me. i almost said something. i should have. i should have kissed him. i should have kissed him damn it. i couldn’t stop staring at him, or our hands, mainly his eyes. and his mouth. i guess his teeth hurt so that would make sense why he didn’t kiss me. but it was just so close. he kept my feet warm. everything. i don’t know if i didn’t love a second of that. he’s just so good at making me feel happy. i almost feel like i have to cry when we’re so close. i don’t know why. i just miss that feeling so much. it sucks having to come home and just sit here. id rather be at his house. i just hate being away from him. i don’t think he just realizes how much i like him. i just want to be with him all the time. all the time. every day. like today. i didn’t want to leave at all. he didn’t want me to leave. but i really did not want to leave. i wish i would have kissed him. UGH. hate that. i miss his touch, his arms, his face. his eyes. everything. i need to end this. but i just miss him so much. he’s way too good to me. and i don’t deserve him. hugging him is just as i’d imagine it to be. he’s so small. but he’s the same size as me. he always says i’m so cute. but he’s the one who makes me freak out over how cute and adorable he is. i seriously don’t know what i’m going to do if this ends. because i just adore him. and i always end up getting hurt. but i have to trust him. i will.

SO CLOSE. SO MOTHER FUCKING CLOSE.

5/16/12

I’m not sure i can like this kid any more. After saturday I’m just falling for sure. My hands feel so empty when im not holding his. i feel a little more empty whenever i’m not talking to him. its so nice to say that we’re dating. like i love being called his girlfriend. i love how everyone thinks it is the cutest thing ever. cause we are. we’re just so adorable. i love how i’m not afraid to make a move on him. we’re like best friends who like eachother. which is basically how it is. but it means so much more to me. i want this to last. i don’t care if he’s the one for me or whatever. i just want us to last. he likes me a lot. but i am pretty sure i like him more. i didnt think that was possible. just everything he does or says is just really cute. i mean i don’t find him hot, but i find him attractive. plus he’s the nicest guy ever, he’s funny, a christian <3 (hallelujah), likes me for me, loves music. He’s everything i look for. i mean minus the looks part. but he is. he encourages me and likes me for me. i don’t think i could as for more than that. i think he is the most adorable person ever. and he always wants to show me off. he’s just alkgjahldkjhaljdsfasf. He’s just adorable. and sweet. and cute. and i just.  I love everything about him, but i don’t know if i love him. i cannot wait until tomorrow. and i can just lay in his arms and be happy again. that was the best moment of my life. i hope i kiss him tomorrow. seriously. we get really close to eachother. i hope i dream about us. it’ll be a good dream. okay time to sleep. goodnight.